Flashback
“What happened…?”
He had the chance to ask his lover while they were still inside the infirmary room… Taeyeon broke out from his hug and face him with again, tears in her eyes…
She didn’t speak but instead had her head bowed down, sobbing… which confused him more… he just watched her… brows nearly knitted with each other…
“Oppa… am I that bad to love you…? I never wished for us to be like this… I know that I am nothing now but your mistress in front of everyone… but oppa… I love you…”
She looked at him with a painful expression plastered on her face… he dropped his gaze and looked away… he couldn’t bear seeing her like that…. after a while he looked back at her… with much painful feeling inside his chest… and now, seemingly with a different reason.
“Did… did she do something to you earlier…? Tell me the truth Taeyeon-ah…”
His face is still… holding her on her shoulders… that made her a bit startled… and boiled her more inside… now, he’s even doubting her… and it’s all because of that other woman… she thought…
She gulped down… and didn’t speak… the painful gaze she showed him is enough to cover up for her lies… enough to ruin ‘her’ in his eyes… she will never give up that easily… not to a rich spoiled girl who just popped in and suddenly ruin their years of relationship… she thought…
He closed his lips… if only he arrived there early… if only he saw what really happened… if only he didn’t took sides earlier… maybe he wouldn’t be feeling so guilty and confused right now…
“Just… just please don’t leave me Jiyong-ah…”
Taeyeon reached for his face and pulled him closer to her, landing her lips on top of his… he was like a robot… being told on what to do… felt numb like a cold iron… but been rusting and breaking inside…
--
“Sir… the young lady isn’t here yet…”
Mr. Lee spoke… bringing me back from my deep daze… why am I feeling this way…? My insides were like eating itself… torturing me painfully by my own body… my mind filled with this unexplainable worry… thinking ‘she’s’ still hasn’t come back… thinking that maybe now Youngbae has finally found her… thinking that probably she won’t be coming back anymore… the pain is excruciating… I don’t even know why I am hurting myself... enduring this painful torture not knowing the reason behind it…
“My dad’s probably waiting now…”
I simply told Mr. Lee as I went directly inside the car… I glanced outside and saw the bothered look on his face as he gazed back on our campus…
What should I do…? I feel so useless… stupid for I don’t know anymore what I should feel or even what I want…
I should be contented of seeing the pain in your face… I should have the peace of mind thinking that I didn’t fall for your act… but, how could you look at me with those eyes earlier…? Why am I feeling so regretful taking her side and not even listening to you…?
It’s slowly breaking me apart knowing that you’re somewhere that I couldn’t see you… and probably by now… you’re safe within his arms… I should be the one torturing you and not the other way around….
I couldn’t be…
No… I should not…
--
A tear escaped the side of his eyes as he was gazing outside the car’s window… eyes were wandering as to where their car passed, gripping tight on the knee of his pants… hoping to at least see her on their way to his dad…
The old chauffer saw the bothered look on his young master’s face… never did he saw him like that before… and he was sure of the reason why his young master’s acting like that…
When will there be peace in his young master’s heart…? He thought…
--
Her tears blurred her vision… her lips parted… wanting to ask who the guy is but her voice got stuck in her throat… she quickly wiped the forming tears in her eyes…
“Are you okay miss…?”
His stern voice rang her whole body… he was the man she met at this same beach days ago…
“I… I am…”
Her voice started to crack up again… looking away from the man… feeling the comfort from another person’s company, can’t stop herself from crying… she looked up again and now saw the worry on his face…
She couldn’t bother him… not even someone to be poured out by her deep heartaches…she already caused trouble for a lot of people before… and now… she couldn’t be so selfish to include a stranger in her problem…
She tried to stand up but the weariness from walking was slowly enveloping her frail body… the guy tried to support her from standing but she shifted herself away…
“Miss…”
He called her… remembered that she was the woman from before… the same beauty that made him captivated was now being tainted by her tears…
“I… I am sorry… if I bothered you…I was just-…”
“Wait…”
He held her on her elbow as she started walking away… she looked back at him wearing a pleading look on her face… she just needed to be alone…
“Please…”
His brows connected… what’s with the painful look on her face… he wondered… seeing her right now was totally different from the first time they met…
Her voice trailed off… and just then… her eyes slowly closed and her body swayed back… his eyes widen as he saw her slowly collapsing… but before she could reach the cold sand… his strong arms immediately caught her…
He continuously called her… tapping her cheek to bring her back to consciousness… what made him stop was when she started mumbling someone’s name in her sleep…
“Jiyong…”
He gasped and was taken aback… he shook off the thought that suddenly brushed his mind and carried the broken girl in his arms… he looked down at her felt a weird skip inside his chest… couldn’t bear seeing the pain on her face… how could such girl bring different emotions inside him…
--
“Jiyong-ah… why are you alone…? Where’s your wife…?”
His father asked him once he arrived… the worry inside him got worse… it’s already dark outside… he kept checking on his phone battling himself if he should call his best friend or not…
“Dad… she’s… she has something to finish in her class… she won’t make it tonight…”
It came out to him naturally… giving himself some credit for at least he’s good at pretending… he saw the tinge of disappointment on his dad’s face… he couldn’t blame him, the old man really misses his daughter-in-law…
“That’s sad… I was planning to at least see her before we fly abroad…”
There were some problems on their business that needs to be checked… His mom’s already there while his dad was left behind to finish some things first in Korea… and it would probably take them a month to go back… He apologized to his dad which the old Kwon understood…
“Still having a hard time on your marriage…?”
His dad asked him at the middle of their dinner… he was silent throughout their dinner and it didn’t escape his dad to think that something’s wrong with him… he was aware of his son being so hyped up in work just to get home the past few days… he was thinking that probably, his son was having a change of heart towards its wife… it would be the best thing for him… who wouldn’t fall for a daughter-in-law like Dara…? He thought… and now… seeing his son with a bothered expression on his face raced wonders to him…
Jiyong looked up from his food… gripping his utensils tight in his hands… should he ask for help..? Should he ask for some advice…? But no… this is his marriage… this is his life… this is just a little confusion that he needed to think and rest for…
Mr. Kwon curved a slight smile… he knew his son well… and he knew Jiyong really liked keeping his problems to himself…
“Jiyong-ah… is something holding you back…?”
Jiyong’s brow raised a bit… he didn’t get what his dad meant by his question… but he didn’t speak… hoping for his dad to at least read what he feels…
“If you want to tell her something… show her something… do something nice for her… don’t hold back… she’s your wife now Jiyong…”
He heard his dad chuckling… while he on the other side stayed stiff on his seat…
“Dara wouldn’t mock you or something… just let yourself do what your heart tells you to do… it wouldn’t hurt you to try… your mom and I was once in your position… having an arranged marriage was really hard… we were both strangers… both grasping to know each other… but I was glad, grateful to have her as my wife… and until now, I don’t imagine myself not having her by my side…”
Jiyong bowed his head… remembering his wife’s face earlier… remembering how much pain he had caused her until now…would he still deserve her…? Would she still agree to stay by his side…?
“I… I’ve hurt her…”
He mumbled… and again Mr. Kwon curved out another smile…
“We can’t avoid hurting people sometimes… that’s why we are capable to apologize… make up for that mistake and start anew… don’t let yourself be swallowed by that one mistake only to produce another one… it will only hurt you in the end… you’re confused right now, maybe that’s why did that…”
And maybe that pain is what he’s feeling right now… his bit his inner cheeks… suppressing himself to be emotional especially in front of his father… if only his father knows what torture he had given her for the past month… would he still be able to understand him…? he thought…
“Jiyong-ah…”
His dad called him… he looked up… tightening his jaws while his dad’s still wearing a calm face…
“Give her a chance… give yourself a chance… we look too much that we didn’t realize that what we’re truly looking for is just in front of us… we stayed deaf and blind… because we’re afraid it would hurt us in the end… but what’s happening is… we’re already hurting ourselves because we’re preventing ourselves to be happy and experience that one thing we are looking for…”
But what about his lover…? What about their promise for each other…? Just because of this marriage, he now completely neglecting her…? It was not her fault… if his marriage didn’t persist in the first place… none of these things were probably happening right now… lies… Until now… he’s feeding himself lies…
“Everything happens for a reason… all you have to do is to go with the flow… do not hold yourself back… don’t let regrets come in your way in the end son…”
“What happened…?”
He had the chance to ask his lover while they were still inside the infirmary room… Taeyeon broke out from his hug and face him with again, tears in her eyes…
She didn’t speak but instead had her head bowed down, sobbing… which confused him more… he just watched her… brows nearly knitted with each other…
“Oppa… am I that bad to love you…? I never wished for us to be like this… I know that I am nothing now but your mistress in front of everyone… but oppa… I love you…”
She looked at him with a painful expression plastered on her face… he dropped his gaze and looked away… he couldn’t bear seeing her like that…. after a while he looked back at her… with much painful feeling inside his chest… and now, seemingly with a different reason.
“Did… did she do something to you earlier…? Tell me the truth Taeyeon-ah…”
His face is still… holding her on her shoulders… that made her a bit startled… and boiled her more inside… now, he’s even doubting her… and it’s all because of that other woman… she thought…
She gulped down… and didn’t speak… the painful gaze she showed him is enough to cover up for her lies… enough to ruin ‘her’ in his eyes… she will never give up that easily… not to a rich spoiled girl who just popped in and suddenly ruin their years of relationship… she thought…
He closed his lips… if only he arrived there early… if only he saw what really happened… if only he didn’t took sides earlier… maybe he wouldn’t be feeling so guilty and confused right now…
“Just… just please don’t leave me Jiyong-ah…”
Taeyeon reached for his face and pulled him closer to her, landing her lips on top of his… he was like a robot… being told on what to do… felt numb like a cold iron… but been rusting and breaking inside…
--
“Sir… the young lady isn’t here yet…”
Mr. Lee spoke… bringing me back from my deep daze… why am I feeling this way…? My insides were like eating itself… torturing me painfully by my own body… my mind filled with this unexplainable worry… thinking ‘she’s’ still hasn’t come back… thinking that maybe now Youngbae has finally found her… thinking that probably she won’t be coming back anymore… the pain is excruciating… I don’t even know why I am hurting myself... enduring this painful torture not knowing the reason behind it…
“My dad’s probably waiting now…”
I simply told Mr. Lee as I went directly inside the car… I glanced outside and saw the bothered look on his face as he gazed back on our campus…
What should I do…? I feel so useless… stupid for I don’t know anymore what I should feel or even what I want…
I should be contented of seeing the pain in your face… I should have the peace of mind thinking that I didn’t fall for your act… but, how could you look at me with those eyes earlier…? Why am I feeling so regretful taking her side and not even listening to you…?
It’s slowly breaking me apart knowing that you’re somewhere that I couldn’t see you… and probably by now… you’re safe within his arms… I should be the one torturing you and not the other way around….
I couldn’t be…
No… I should not…
--
A tear escaped the side of his eyes as he was gazing outside the car’s window… eyes were wandering as to where their car passed, gripping tight on the knee of his pants… hoping to at least see her on their way to his dad…
The old chauffer saw the bothered look on his young master’s face… never did he saw him like that before… and he was sure of the reason why his young master’s acting like that…
When will there be peace in his young master’s heart…? He thought…
--
Her tears blurred her vision… her lips parted… wanting to ask who the guy is but her voice got stuck in her throat… she quickly wiped the forming tears in her eyes…
“Are you okay miss…?”
His stern voice rang her whole body… he was the man she met at this same beach days ago…
“I… I am…”
Her voice started to crack up again… looking away from the man… feeling the comfort from another person’s company, can’t stop herself from crying… she looked up again and now saw the worry on his face…
She couldn’t bother him… not even someone to be poured out by her deep heartaches…she already caused trouble for a lot of people before… and now… she couldn’t be so selfish to include a stranger in her problem…
She tried to stand up but the weariness from walking was slowly enveloping her frail body… the guy tried to support her from standing but she shifted herself away…
“Miss…”
He called her… remembered that she was the woman from before… the same beauty that made him captivated was now being tainted by her tears…
“I… I am sorry… if I bothered you…I was just-…”
“Wait…”
He held her on her elbow as she started walking away… she looked back at him wearing a pleading look on her face… she just needed to be alone…
“Please…”
His brows connected… what’s with the painful look on her face… he wondered… seeing her right now was totally different from the first time they met…
Her voice trailed off… and just then… her eyes slowly closed and her body swayed back… his eyes widen as he saw her slowly collapsing… but before she could reach the cold sand… his strong arms immediately caught her…
He continuously called her… tapping her cheek to bring her back to consciousness… what made him stop was when she started mumbling someone’s name in her sleep…
“Jiyong…”
He gasped and was taken aback… he shook off the thought that suddenly brushed his mind and carried the broken girl in his arms… he looked down at her felt a weird skip inside his chest… couldn’t bear seeing the pain on her face… how could such girl bring different emotions inside him…
--
“Jiyong-ah… why are you alone…? Where’s your wife…?”
His father asked him once he arrived… the worry inside him got worse… it’s already dark outside… he kept checking on his phone battling himself if he should call his best friend or not…
“Dad… she’s… she has something to finish in her class… she won’t make it tonight…”
It came out to him naturally… giving himself some credit for at least he’s good at pretending… he saw the tinge of disappointment on his dad’s face… he couldn’t blame him, the old man really misses his daughter-in-law…
“That’s sad… I was planning to at least see her before we fly abroad…”
There were some problems on their business that needs to be checked… His mom’s already there while his dad was left behind to finish some things first in Korea… and it would probably take them a month to go back… He apologized to his dad which the old Kwon understood…
“Still having a hard time on your marriage…?”
His dad asked him at the middle of their dinner… he was silent throughout their dinner and it didn’t escape his dad to think that something’s wrong with him… he was aware of his son being so hyped up in work just to get home the past few days… he was thinking that probably, his son was having a change of heart towards its wife… it would be the best thing for him… who wouldn’t fall for a daughter-in-law like Dara…? He thought… and now… seeing his son with a bothered expression on his face raced wonders to him…
Jiyong looked up from his food… gripping his utensils tight in his hands… should he ask for help..? Should he ask for some advice…? But no… this is his marriage… this is his life… this is just a little confusion that he needed to think and rest for…
Mr. Kwon curved a slight smile… he knew his son well… and he knew Jiyong really liked keeping his problems to himself…
“Jiyong-ah… is something holding you back…?”
Jiyong’s brow raised a bit… he didn’t get what his dad meant by his question… but he didn’t speak… hoping for his dad to at least read what he feels…
“If you want to tell her something… show her something… do something nice for her… don’t hold back… she’s your wife now Jiyong…”
He heard his dad chuckling… while he on the other side stayed stiff on his seat…
“Dara wouldn’t mock you or something… just let yourself do what your heart tells you to do… it wouldn’t hurt you to try… your mom and I was once in your position… having an arranged marriage was really hard… we were both strangers… both grasping to know each other… but I was glad, grateful to have her as my wife… and until now, I don’t imagine myself not having her by my side…”
Jiyong bowed his head… remembering his wife’s face earlier… remembering how much pain he had caused her until now…would he still deserve her…? Would she still agree to stay by his side…?
“I… I’ve hurt her…”
He mumbled… and again Mr. Kwon curved out another smile…
“We can’t avoid hurting people sometimes… that’s why we are capable to apologize… make up for that mistake and start anew… don’t let yourself be swallowed by that one mistake only to produce another one… it will only hurt you in the end… you’re confused right now, maybe that’s why did that…”
And maybe that pain is what he’s feeling right now… his bit his inner cheeks… suppressing himself to be emotional especially in front of his father… if only his father knows what torture he had given her for the past month… would he still be able to understand him…? he thought…
“Jiyong-ah…”
His dad called him… he looked up… tightening his jaws while his dad’s still wearing a calm face…
“Give her a chance… give yourself a chance… we look too much that we didn’t realize that what we’re truly looking for is just in front of us… we stayed deaf and blind… because we’re afraid it would hurt us in the end… but what’s happening is… we’re already hurting ourselves because we’re preventing ourselves to be happy and experience that one thing we are looking for…”
But what about his lover…? What about their promise for each other…? Just because of this marriage, he now completely neglecting her…? It was not her fault… if his marriage didn’t persist in the first place… none of these things were probably happening right now… lies… Until now… he’s feeding himself lies…
“Everything happens for a reason… all you have to do is to go with the flow… do not hold yourself back… don’t let regrets come in your way in the end son…”
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