He rolled to the other side of his bed once again… couldn’t find the right spot for him to feel the slumber hit him… still thinking about ‘her’ words from earlier… never in his life was he this bothered… excited… and regretful at the same time… mixed feelings that he doesn’t know how to let out…
He finally sat up and buried his face on his hands…
“Why now…?”
--
“What made you visit…?”
He excitedly asked her as he carefully went down from working on the roof of the restaurant they were building. Earning loud cheers from his coworkers; he could only scratch the back of his head and looked at her in embarrassment… she just let out a friendly smile towards the others before she turned back to him and lifted the plastic bag she was holding in front of him… his brow curved up in wonder and lips pouted at her.
“I brought you lunch…”
She simply told him, still wearing her warm smile… earning another round of cheers from the other workers…
Yunho felt his cheeks burned, never he had felt like being a grade-schooler giddying over his crush… but right now, it’s even greater than that… he felt bunch of his nerves fluttered and just then, butterflies filled his stomach once again… just like the first time he met her…
Hearing the loud beats of his heart… he turned his head to the side… hiding the clear bliss on his face yet couldn’t suppress himself for his lips to let out a slight smile…
--
“Sorry about the guys…”
Scratching the back of his head, he remembered how his co-workers teased them more when they went off from their work to have their lunch… and it took him much effort to deny that she’s seeing him… and most of all, it took him a lot of strength to tell the men that she’s already married...
Dara shook her head as she rummaged inside her plastic bag…
“It’s okay… don’t be bothered about it…”
He let out a smile in relief as he put his hand down…he watched the top of her head, felt his insides quivered once again and had the urge to touch and caress it… luckily, he woke up from his trance and quickly shook his head… instead, he just gripped tightly on his not-so-clean towel and let out a sigh.
“Here…”
He turned back to her and looked down on the wooden lunchbox she was holding.
“I made it myself… well… it’s been a long time since I last cooked… and I’m not really a good cook… but I tried my best… aigoo… but I think I should’ve just bought lunch instead of cooking it myself…”
He was a bit startled by her sudden rattling… she then pouted and looked down and was about to take back her lunchbox but he managed to hold and stop her from doing it.
“Yah… I haven’t even tasted it yet… how come you’re already taking it away…?”
He almost chuckled from the cute expression on her face… those pouted lips that are really tempting him to break out from his restraints… he could only bit on his lower lip and tried to smile at her.
“She’s your younger brother’s wife for Christ’s sake Yunho…” He kept reminding himself…
“But… it might not taste-..”
He cut her off as he pulled the lunchbox from her and turned to the other side to shield it from her… she pouted at him but soon her lips curved out into a smile, partly wishing he wouldn’t get poisoned from her cooking.
“So… how is it…?”
She asked him but didn’t get a reply… her brow arched in wonder and after a while she asked him again… instead, earning her another silence from him…
“Yunho-ssi…”
She couldn’t help herself anymore as she held his shoulder and pulled him a bit to face her… worried that the food might have numbed his tongue or something…
“I told you it’s not…-“
“It’s delicious…”
He told her as he swallowed another piece of her kimchi pancake that she made… Dara widen her eyes in surprise before it turned into slits together as her lips curved out into a contented smile…
“Really…?”
She clasped her hands together earning a nod from Yunho… she then watched him as he slowly ate up the food that she made… after a while, her gaze started to drift away from him as a sudden thought brushed her mind…
‘Is ‘she’ a good cook Jiyong..? Such a shame that I could only cook a simple pancake like this…’
She bit on her lower lip as insecurity showered over her again… for this past week she tried to act numb… from all the heart aches, the pain of seeing ‘him’ and her… she tried to act blind and deaf… she just couldn’t expect Jiyong to do all the ‘trying’ part himself… but still, no matter how she tries, she would still find herself looking at his direction… seeking for him whenever she would miss a sight of him… would listen to his words from afar… she just couldn’t make herself to loath him… for all her heart knows is to love him…
She then shook her head… she’s not here to think of these things… she didn’t come here to busy her mind with those problems… she needed a break… at least something she could have in herself once she goes back in their mansion and face ‘him’ again… it was supposed to be Cl that she needed to seek on some strength but she knew her friend has some serious problems to deal with too… that Cl didn’t even attended her class the whole week, making Dara much worried about her friend.
Noticing her sudden cold silence, Yunho stopped from eating and glanced up to her… his forehead creased a bit as he slightly bit the side of his lips before he spoke.
“Dara-ssi…” His gentle voice quickly brought her back from her trance… she then turned to him and got welcomed by his warm smile.
“How about you… have you eaten lunch already…?”
With a hint of worry in his voice, he placed his chopsticks down…
After a period of processing what he had just said, her eyes blinked for a couple of times before she found her voice to speak back.
“Ah… yes… I already did… I’m sorry if it’s only a kimchi pancake…”
Her lips pouted a bit which earned a light chuckle from the other…
“Well… it’s the best kimchi pancake I have ever tasted…”
He told her… and with that, her smile came back to her lips…
“Aigoo… was it because maybe it’s your first time to taste this food…”
It was supposed to be a joke… but she was taken aback when Yunho looked at her with innocent eyes before he nodded… and he saw how her expression changed once again, he could only chuckle inside, guilty for playing with her… but before she could even get the lunchbox away from him again he then spoke to stop her.
“Just kidding… I have eaten this pancake for like three times already… and I must say yours is the best…”
Earning a still displeased look from her, he then placed down the lunchbox on the bench as he reached for her cheek and slightly pinched on it… totally forgetting about his actions.
“Cute…”
With that, the sour expression on her face slowly vanished, replacing it with a bland one before she felt her cheeks warmed… Yunho noticed her blushing, making him quickly let go of her and cleared his throat… he let out a forced laugh before he reached for the lunch and resumed from eating… soon, an awkward atmosphere enveloped them…
‘What were you thinking…’ he scolded himself… peeking on her through the side of his eyes and saw how she’s now smiling at him… she probably thought it was just a friendly gesture from him…
‘Right… just a friendly gesture…’ he continued telling himself…
He looked up to the sky, watched as the clouds passed by over them… he sighed in slight agony, blaming himself for causing such a deafening silence…
He bit his lower lip… watched as Dara fixed the now empty lunchbox back inside the plastic bag… he sighed again, tried to think of something just to recover from the awkward atmosphere that he caused… his lips parted and was ready to speak out just anything to break the silence but Dara beat him to it.
“Yunho-sshi… where’s your family by the way..? Are you all alone in here…?”
Dara looked at him with much curiosity in her eyes while he could only look back at her… sinking into him her question… remembering his little brother… he blinked his eyes for a couple of times before he looked ahead.
“They… they’re living in another place… I’m all alone in here”
His voice was weak… he saw her nodded at the side of his eyes, with that he looked back at her, saw as how her brows slowly furrowed… a slight smile curved out from the side of his lips as at the back of his mind, he was thinking of what she’s probably thinking by now.
“That must be hard for you… working here away from them…my family’s in abroad and I miss them… I’m sure you miss your family too… “
It didn’t escape him how he felt another tumble inside his chest… his eyes fluttered in bliss as he saw the worry in her face… how could she be so pure…? And how he liked to reach for that face and take away the worry in it…
Letting go of his towel, that more likely the thread he was hanging onto to suppress himself… he reached for her head and slide his hand on it… almost not touching it, afraid that his callused hand would ruin the perfection in her… he let out a big smile.
“True, I miss them… but thinking that they are living well and I will be able to see them again someday, I don’t feel sad about it…”
Dara instantly looked up to him; her round eyes went into slits together as her lips curved into a wide smile. Yunho looked at her wonderingly, thinking what she’s up to now.
“You really remind me of someone Yunho-ssi…”
Dara whispered with mix longing and happiness as she remembered her ‘oppa’ once again… Yunho’s head was tilted to the side… a little curious as to who she was talking about.
“I’m sure anyone would love to have a big brother like you…”
And that made him stiffened on his seat; guilt immediately washed over him, until he could only look away from her… to hide the shame that was slowly forming in his expression.
Dara noticed the sudden silence from him… she peeked to see his face but he immediately bowed down his head… her brows furrowed as she knew that there’s something wrong with him.
“Yunho-ssi..?”
She reached for his hand… covered it with her smaller one on top of his lap… he could only look up at her… praying in himself that she wouldn’t ask more… he just doesn’t want to recall the cowardliness that he did.
“Is there something wrong?”
No there isn’t… he wanted to tell her, but the obvious sadness in his face didn’t help him to convince her… instead, he saw the curiosity in her eyes… the worry that he never wanted to see in it… but what would she think of him if he would tell her how he ran away from everything…? How he left his little brother broken and trapped…? And how he ruined Jiyong’s life just because of his selfishness…? He’s sure no one would forgive him and that includes Dara… and just by thinking about it… he just wanted to stand up from the bench and just send her home, ask her to never visit him again… but no, her warm hand tells him to go on and let out the sadness that’s been hunting him… the comfort in her care tells him that she’ll be there to listen and understand… that she’s the exception of that everyone…
“Have you ever felt like escaping from your current life…?”
His voice was slightly shaking; his eyes were casted on his lap, watching how her warm hand continuously held on to him… Dara didn’t respond instead she continued to listen….
“Felt like you’re being suffocated from all the people who tell you what to do and not… accepting everything because they tell you it’s what’s good for you… that you wanted to break free from that imprisonment… at least see what it looks like outside the world you grew up with… but you can’t… it’s because someone’s been holding you… because someone’s depending on you… and that someone is very special to you that you wouldn’t want to see him break once you left him…”
And slowly, as she listened to his words, she felt a pinch inside of her. Why does it feel so familiar to her…? That upon listening to Yunho, it is only Jiyong that she could think of… her only reason for staying…
She almost let go of his hand but when she heard his voice slowly trailed off… she brushed away every thought inside her mind and continued to hold on to him and listen.
“But in the end… you felt coward… that you couldn’t stand up for what you promised… that, that selfishness took over you… and in the end you still left… leaving that one person who believed in you… that one person who had given you strength as he was too was leaning on you… and right now…as you finally got the freedom that you wanted yet it’s still not enough… because at the end of the day, you still feel so regretful for leaving… not because you miss the things that you grew up with but because you knew that someone that you truly treasured was left behind and that probably until now, he was still asking why…”
Her vision suddenly blurred… until she realized that tears had been forming inside her eyes…
‘But it’s just so painful to stay…’
Those things kept on rewinding at the back of her head… how could Yunho’s words plunge deep right through her…?
She looked up… only to feel his thumb wiped off the tear that just escaped her eye… Yunho was smiling at her… he was supposed to be the one who’s crying… but everything was turned the other way… as if it was her who did those things…
Dara immediately reached for her face and wiped off her tears, Yunho just kept his silence, his gaze dropped when she grabbed his hands again… she looked at him for a moment before another smile slowly curved on her lips…
“But I’m sure that, that ‘someone’ is still waiting for you…”
--
Yunho’s hand reached for his temple as Dara’s words kept on repeating inside his head…
‘But I’m sure that that ‘someone’ is still waiting for you’
He let out a deep sigh… it’s as if everything that she said was so easy to believe at… that even how much he would tell her how impossible it may be… her words would make it up to it and make it possible in any way…
‘Don’t let regret eat you up your whole life… it’s not as if that he is deaf not to hear your explanations… it is only you who could answer his questions… it is you who he needed to hear it from to… if it was cowardliness that made you leave… let it be your strength make you to face him again and right every mistakes that you’ve done…’
“But it seemed like meeting you now added up to those mistakes…”
He whispered upon remembering the revelation that he shouldn’t have not heard from her earlier…
--
He tried to laugh off the conversation that they had… tried to replace the gloomy atmosphere for it’s only seldom for her to visit him… might as well create a happy moment from it… and as if she got his message, she never asked him again… but hoping that she at least helped him with his problem…
“How’s married life by the way…?”
That made Dara stopped and instantly looked back at him…
He hesitated to look at her, sarcastically crediting himself for thinking a great question to ask her, there he is trying to divert their conversation away from talking about ‘him’, yet still ended up from asking about it… but standing up to his question, he managed to let out a smile… and as he turned to her, it didn’t escape his eyes the tinge of sadness in her eyes despite the cheerful expression plastered on her face… soon the wide smile on his lips slowly went flat as he saw how she tried to curve out a forceful smile…for he knew by then, something’s wrong between Jiyong and her…
“It’s fine… I guess… well… we’re fine…”
She let out a laugh… not meeting his gaze…upon realizing about Jiyong’s lover…he became worried and without any hesitations…he reached for her hand which made her a bit startled…
“Something’s wrong…”
Dara looked up to him, a clear hesitation was in her face and as she was about to say something, he cut her off…
“I’m a good listener…” He told her with much tender, looking at her with his gentle eyes.
With that, Dara finally curved out a sincere smile and looked away…
--
“I shouldn’t have just asked her about it…”
Telling and blaming himself for being so curious… he was just supposed to know how Jiyong’s doing… how they are…but asking her was a mistake that he just wanted to forget about but couldn’t…
--
“I felt like, I’ve ruined his life… he’s not supposed to carry the responsibility to marry me… but I don’t blame anyone for it... I just… want to bring back the time and should’ve just ran away when I had the chance to…”
Her voice was weak, looking down on her lap… upon hearing it, his eyes slowly widen, he looked at her in surprise…hearing such thing suddenly sparked up his curiosity even more…
“What… what do you mean you’re not supposed to marry him…?”
He tried to speak as casual as he could but the thoughts that immediately filled his mind failed him to do so… Dara looked up at him with her pursed lips… not really thinking about her words…
“Well... I’m supposed to marry his brother… but I guess when he heard of the marriage thing… he ran away…”
She let it out like a joke… chuckling to herself while leaving him stunned and in much disbelief… with that, he looked away from her and set his gaze ahead the sea for an unexplainable feeling immediately filled his entire being…
“But I don’t want to think of it anymore… for I know this marriage won’t really last forever… I just need to wait…”
Her voice trailed off… making him looked back at her in despair…
‘How could Jiyong not love someone like her…?’ The only thing that he heard himself thinking of.
--
Those tears that she shed when he met her the second time… were all those for him…? Has she been hurting all this time…?
And to think that all those was because of him…
He placed his hand on his knees… tightly gripping on his pants…
If he would show himself… would that really solve everything…? Will Jiyong forgive him…? And will he be able to take away that sadness from Dara…?
He deeply sighed… remembering her tears… remembering how sad she is whenever they would talk about her husband… with that he stood up from his bed… grabbed his phone from his bedside table… and having his last thought, he dialed a number…
A couple of rings were heard before the other line picked up his call…
He gulped down… preparing himself for the consequences of his decision…
“Dad… it’s me… Yunho…”
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