‘Oppa… please take me back home…’
I was running after Seunghyun oppa and Soojin but it seemed like I wasn’t leaving my spot… I felt myself getting tired… only to see them slowly drifting away from my sight… I screamed their name for a couple of time but still they won’t turn back…
‘Soojin-ah… oppa… please take me back home…’
Soon everything went black… I couldn’t see them anymore… just darkness and coldness enveloped me… I stopped from my tracks… gasping for someone… something to hold on to but still I couldn’t see a thing…. Soon I slumped down… crying my eyes out… wishing they would come back for me… just anyone… just someone to heed my dying hope…
Just then the coldness suddenly subsided… warmth slowly crept up on me… and I felt something strong and firm pulled me up from where I was… enveloping me in its security… I finally felt the calmness inside…
I looked up and despite the blur brought by my tears… I could still see the familiar cold eyes of someone… I knew at that point who it came from… such an irony to feel warmth on someone as cold as he… I felt his hold got tighter… as if not wanting to let go of me… I was supposed to get suffocate… feel the pain from it… but surprisingly… I felt nothing but peace and happiness…
‘Stay with me…’
--
My eyes slowly opened… wanting to see where that voice came from… I immediately sat up only to be welcomed by a massive headache… I cringed in pain… brought both of my hands on my head… it hurts so much… just what happened last night…?
As soon as the pain subsided a bit, I scanned the place… I’m in our room… and as usual he’s not at my side…
Was it all just a dream…?
Even so, it felt so real…
That voice... I'm sure it belongs to him...
I really am thinking too much… that until in my dreams I am still blinded by my selfishness… how could I even think of him that way…? Hoping he would actually ask for me to stay… pathetic…
--
He was here last night… he finally came back home… did he spend the night here…? Trails of thoughts quickly filled my mind… anticipation hits me… as my heart suddenly raced fast… what is this I feeling…?
His always expressionless face was the only clear memory from last night… he was there when I arrived… looking at me with those dead eyes… those empty orbs…blank… odd it may seem… but seeing at least those eyes could bring happiness to me… for at least it wasn’t those hurtful stares from before… not those disgusted look that would remind me how horrible of a person I am… and pathetic it may seem… it is better for me to be looked at by his dead eyes for a sudden little change from him is enough to heighten up the last hope I have…
And now here I am… wanting to see him… wanting to see those eyes again… hoping that he’s still here… would it be absurd for me to hope just to see him…? Just to know that he stayed here with me…? Would it be too much for me to wish that he didn’t choose staying with his lover last night…?
I am really being blinded by my selfishness… too drown in my own bliss…trying to capture that one person that never I deserve and never I should look at to… why am I being like this…?
After a while of resting, I managed to pull myself up from the bed…my head is still a bit spinning… I never thought a couple of drinks would make me feel this bad… how did I act when he’s here last night…? Did he saw me in that state…? He probably got disgusted in me more…
Why am I this conscious of what he thinks of me…? That alcohol really got me hard….
--
It’s still early… I still could manage to catch up for my first class… yesterday was like a rollercoaster of events… but never did I enjoy the ride… and never would I want to experience it again… Cl’s probably right… I should just let myself stay away from his lover’s way because it would just only give me more heartache… wherein the first place I couldn’t decipher why should I feel that pain…? Am I worthy to feel hurt hearing those words from her…? Am I worthy to feel sorry for myself being the most pathetic wife of someone…? And most especially… am I worthy of hoping for a happy marriage with her lover…?
I let the cold water rinse off those unanswered questions… together with the sadness that is slowly creeping up on me again… today’s another day… I shouldn’t be worrying about yesterday’s heartaches and just focus on trying to make something new and happy today…but how long have I been doing these trials…? Each day I always try… but in the end… I always fail… am I really incapable of making myself worthy of that happiness…?
--
‘I know someday… Jiyong and I will still be together…’
So much for making myself forget… as much as I want to shift my thoughts to somewhere, I would always fall for that one statement… why am I bothering myself to feel in pain thinking about those words…? I was once a prisoner of him and my cowardliness… it would be a great chance to have my freedom once they get back into each others arms… I should be feeling happy by then… but why… why do I feel the opposite thing…
Slowly suffocating me… thinking what will happen to me once he left…? Am I back into being a mere thing being sold just to free my family from its debt…? Never have I wanted to have such pitiful life…
And why is that a bigger part of me is now screaming for him not to leave me… not to go with her… Have I finally got accustomed to his painful treatment… Since when have I wanting for him to stay with me…? Such a cruel intention to someone I do not own and never will…
“What took you so long…?”
And just then… after a very tiring moment of battling with myself, asking myself with those impossible questions… a voice finally woke me up from my deep trance… thank god someone did for I could feel my self slowly being numb from all of these mixed sadness I’ve been feeding myself…
Shifting my gaze towards the person who asked me… my eyes widen… and I felt a familiar skip in my heart when I saw ‘his’ face… my voice suddenly got caught up in my throat…
He’s here… and to think that earlier I was thinking of him leaving me alone… now he’s actually here…
The same feeling of that other night showered me once again… feeling the lightness inside of me despite the heavy and cold stare he’s giving me… I probably am slowly losing my mind…
--
His brow raised upon not receiving a response from her… she was just standing at the end of the table with her head bowed down…
He was waiting for her… doesn’t know why he should but just finding himself unable to start with his food without her… and still being bothered about her words from last night… and especially about his own words… still blaming his weary self for blurting out those unacceptable words…
“What are you waiting for in there…? We’ll be late for class…”
She then hurriedly went to her seat across from him… the maids prepared her food… and a thought brushed her mind realizing this was probably their first breakfast together… with just the two of them… with that, she suddenly looked up… didn’t took a while for their eyes to meet once again…
“What…?”
He asked… but again, her voice preferred to lock itself inside her… looking at him with grateful eyes… while he on the other side couldn’t decipher such feeling having her attention… did she hear him last night…? Did she notice him waiting for her…?
He cleared his throat and brushed off the thoughts…
“Dad wants to have dinner with us later… if you have some plans of going out with someone better move it to next time…”
He sternly said… she was a bit taken aback… he sounded angry… but his words were not harsh just like before… and to think he’s been like that these past few days raised wonders in her more…
“I… I am sorry about last night… my friend was-…”
“Just don’t drink too much if you can’t even take it…”
He cut her off… slamming down his fork which produced quite a loud sound… she jumped on her seat a bit...
“Plus, call whenever you’re about to go somewhere… don’t make the people here worry about your whereabouts… you’re so careless…”
“I’m sorry…”
Her voice trailed off… gripping on her utensils tightly as she bowed her head… she never thought she would cause racket about what she did last night… he saw her reaction… he gritted is teeth… and heaved up a
…
“Finish your food now…”
She bit her lower lip and slightly nod… he would slightly glance and watched her finish her food… remembering about his father’s words before he left for home… the old man really missed her… and despite his busy schedule… he and his wife still wanted to see her… doesn’t want to neglect their only daughter in law… she really made his parent’s hearts softened… and that now he too unknowingly is slowly being drawn to his soft side…
--
A deafening silence filled the car… he never spoke after the breakfast… and me too preferred that silence… I watched him at the side of my eyes… he was staring outside with a calm expression plastered on his face…
As much as I want to ignore it… but I can’t help but to wonder why he never spoke harshly to me… these past few days, he never called me by different hurtful names… and for a couple of times now, he preferred staying at the mansion and not go in his lover’s house… are they having another argument…? But hearing his lover yesterday… it’s the exact opposite of my assumption…
--
“Don’t be late… don’t go anywhere else… I don’t want to make my dad wait… he’s busy…”
Before I could respond he already left… I heard Mr. Lee sighing behind me…I turned around and saw him shaking his head… and just then he suddenly smiled at me…
“He was worried about you last night…”
I was a bit startled by what he said… who is he talking about…?
“I know he doesn’t show it that much but I know he was… I think the young master is slowly going back on his old self…”
“But Mr. Lee… I think you’re just misunderstanding him… I don’t think he would..-“
“I know him too well… he’s already like a son to me… I just wish that he’ll continually change for the better because you don’t deserve any cruel treatment from anyone and especially from him…”
I preferred to stay silent… he couldn’t be worried on me… why would he… where in the first place he’s the first person who wanted my pain… but somehow learning it from someone makes me feel uplifted… I just wish Mr. Lee’s words were true enough to justify my renewed strength.
--
The day passed so slow… but maybe it’s because I was anticipating for it to end quick… I really miss my father-in-law… even though it’s only been days that I haven’t see him… just like my dad… he showed me nothing but warm welcome…probably filling up for their son’s coldness towards me…
“You’re spacing out again…”
There goes Youngbae… popping out once again on our found sanctuary… I looked up to him and just smiled… earning just a nod from him… I already ate my lunch… and up until now I haven’t seen ‘them’ anywhere… probably out to somewhere, making up for the days they are not together…
“What’s with the sad face…?”
I never realized the contorted expression my face has been giving off for quite a while now... He sat beside me offering me his sandwich… I almost forgot about his treat last time…
“Youngbae-sshi… I still haven’t paid for your sandwich last time…”
“Yes… you still owe me…”
“Y… yes… well… how much for the sandwich…?”
I saw his brow rose a bit… and a slight smile crept on his thin lips… he suddenly turned to me which made me taken aback a bit… our faces were a bit close from each other and suddenly I felt awkward with that little distance between us… for a moment he looked at me while I couldn’t help but to stay stiffened at my place…
“Let me paint you…”
He suddenly blurted out… with a serious expression on his face... I blinked and tried to register what he just told me.
“Huh…? Wha-.. what are you talking about…?”
And just then he looked away and leaned back on the tree behind us.... I heard him chuckle which made me raise a brow.
“I have a project on this one subject… I’m lazy to find a model and now you came…”
I was a bit disappointed… I thought there’s a deeper meaning behind his reason of me being his model… I rolled my eyes and pouted… I’m sure he saw it for he chuckled once again.
“Are you going to be my model or what…? You still owe me remember…?”
“Pfft… fine fine Youngbae-sshi… when…? Where..?”
“Now… I have my things ready in the art room..”
“Don’t tell me you planned all this…?”
“No…”
He simply said, back to his cold voice as he stood up… offering his hand to pull me up… he really is a weird guy…
We were walking back to the Arts building when I noticed that I left my phone under the tree… I called Youngbae and told him I’ll just follow him at the room… once I got my phone I quickly went after him only to hear a familiar voice of a woman from the side of the building… I was about to ignore it but then I heard another voice this time from a man…
I shouldn’t have minded other people’s business… but my curiosity got over me… I heard the girl struggling… while I could feel the suppression from the man’s voice…
My eyes widen when I saw where the voices came from… I saw Taeyeon being pinned on the wall by some guy… she was struggling while the man is gripping on her hand tight… what is he doing to her…? Where is Jiyong…?
I just found myself marching towards them…Taeyeon saw me and her eyes immediately widen… she pushed the guy in front of her which made the guy turned on me… I could feel that they are both surprised by my sudden appearance… is it just me or does Taeyeon know the guy…?
As soon as I got closer to them, the guy immediately sped off… leaving me and Taeyeon alone… I didn’t bother thinking who the guy is when I saw the clear marks on Taeyeon’s wrists… she slumped down the floor and I quickly went to her…
“Are you okay Taeyeon-sshi…?”
She looked up and I saw fear in her eyes… but her eyes suddenly shifted past me… and what happened next almost broke me …
“Sandara-sshi… please don’t… I love Jiyong… please don’t do this to us…-“
What is she talking about...? I was about to ask her... when suddenly another familiar voice beat me to it...
“What’s happening here…?”
I turned around and saw Jiyong looking at us with a surprised look on his face…
I was running after Seunghyun oppa and Soojin but it seemed like I wasn’t leaving my spot… I felt myself getting tired… only to see them slowly drifting away from my sight… I screamed their name for a couple of time but still they won’t turn back…
‘Soojin-ah… oppa… please take me back home…’
Soon everything went black… I couldn’t see them anymore… just darkness and coldness enveloped me… I stopped from my tracks… gasping for someone… something to hold on to but still I couldn’t see a thing…. Soon I slumped down… crying my eyes out… wishing they would come back for me… just anyone… just someone to heed my dying hope…
Just then the coldness suddenly subsided… warmth slowly crept up on me… and I felt something strong and firm pulled me up from where I was… enveloping me in its security… I finally felt the calmness inside…
I looked up and despite the blur brought by my tears… I could still see the familiar cold eyes of someone… I knew at that point who it came from… such an irony to feel warmth on someone as cold as he… I felt his hold got tighter… as if not wanting to let go of me… I was supposed to get suffocate… feel the pain from it… but surprisingly… I felt nothing but peace and happiness…
‘Stay with me…’
--
My eyes slowly opened… wanting to see where that voice came from… I immediately sat up only to be welcomed by a massive headache… I cringed in pain… brought both of my hands on my head… it hurts so much… just what happened last night…?
As soon as the pain subsided a bit, I scanned the place… I’m in our room… and as usual he’s not at my side…
Was it all just a dream…?
Even so, it felt so real…
That voice... I'm sure it belongs to him...
I really am thinking too much… that until in my dreams I am still blinded by my selfishness… how could I even think of him that way…? Hoping he would actually ask for me to stay… pathetic…
--
He was here last night… he finally came back home… did he spend the night here…? Trails of thoughts quickly filled my mind… anticipation hits me… as my heart suddenly raced fast… what is this I feeling…?
His always expressionless face was the only clear memory from last night… he was there when I arrived… looking at me with those dead eyes… those empty orbs…blank… odd it may seem… but seeing at least those eyes could bring happiness to me… for at least it wasn’t those hurtful stares from before… not those disgusted look that would remind me how horrible of a person I am… and pathetic it may seem… it is better for me to be looked at by his dead eyes for a sudden little change from him is enough to heighten up the last hope I have…
And now here I am… wanting to see him… wanting to see those eyes again… hoping that he’s still here… would it be absurd for me to hope just to see him…? Just to know that he stayed here with me…? Would it be too much for me to wish that he didn’t choose staying with his lover last night…?
I am really being blinded by my selfishness… too drown in my own bliss…trying to capture that one person that never I deserve and never I should look at to… why am I being like this…?
After a while of resting, I managed to pull myself up from the bed…my head is still a bit spinning… I never thought a couple of drinks would make me feel this bad… how did I act when he’s here last night…? Did he saw me in that state…? He probably got disgusted in me more…
Why am I this conscious of what he thinks of me…? That alcohol really got me hard….
--
It’s still early… I still could manage to catch up for my first class… yesterday was like a rollercoaster of events… but never did I enjoy the ride… and never would I want to experience it again… Cl’s probably right… I should just let myself stay away from his lover’s way because it would just only give me more heartache… wherein the first place I couldn’t decipher why should I feel that pain…? Am I worthy to feel hurt hearing those words from her…? Am I worthy to feel sorry for myself being the most pathetic wife of someone…? And most especially… am I worthy of hoping for a happy marriage with her lover…?
I let the cold water rinse off those unanswered questions… together with the sadness that is slowly creeping up on me again… today’s another day… I shouldn’t be worrying about yesterday’s heartaches and just focus on trying to make something new and happy today…but how long have I been doing these trials…? Each day I always try… but in the end… I always fail… am I really incapable of making myself worthy of that happiness…?
--
‘I know someday… Jiyong and I will still be together…’
So much for making myself forget… as much as I want to shift my thoughts to somewhere, I would always fall for that one statement… why am I bothering myself to feel in pain thinking about those words…? I was once a prisoner of him and my cowardliness… it would be a great chance to have my freedom once they get back into each others arms… I should be feeling happy by then… but why… why do I feel the opposite thing…
Slowly suffocating me… thinking what will happen to me once he left…? Am I back into being a mere thing being sold just to free my family from its debt…? Never have I wanted to have such pitiful life…
And why is that a bigger part of me is now screaming for him not to leave me… not to go with her… Have I finally got accustomed to his painful treatment… Since when have I wanting for him to stay with me…? Such a cruel intention to someone I do not own and never will…
“What took you so long…?”
And just then… after a very tiring moment of battling with myself, asking myself with those impossible questions… a voice finally woke me up from my deep trance… thank god someone did for I could feel my self slowly being numb from all of these mixed sadness I’ve been feeding myself…
Shifting my gaze towards the person who asked me… my eyes widen… and I felt a familiar skip in my heart when I saw ‘his’ face… my voice suddenly got caught up in my throat…
He’s here… and to think that earlier I was thinking of him leaving me alone… now he’s actually here…
The same feeling of that other night showered me once again… feeling the lightness inside of me despite the heavy and cold stare he’s giving me… I probably am slowly losing my mind…
--
His brow raised upon not receiving a response from her… she was just standing at the end of the table with her head bowed down…
He was waiting for her… doesn’t know why he should but just finding himself unable to start with his food without her… and still being bothered about her words from last night… and especially about his own words… still blaming his weary self for blurting out those unacceptable words…
“What are you waiting for in there…? We’ll be late for class…”
She then hurriedly went to her seat across from him… the maids prepared her food… and a thought brushed her mind realizing this was probably their first breakfast together… with just the two of them… with that, she suddenly looked up… didn’t took a while for their eyes to meet once again…
“What…?”
He asked… but again, her voice preferred to lock itself inside her… looking at him with grateful eyes… while he on the other side couldn’t decipher such feeling having her attention… did she hear him last night…? Did she notice him waiting for her…?
He cleared his throat and brushed off the thoughts…
“Dad wants to have dinner with us later… if you have some plans of going out with someone better move it to next time…”
He sternly said… she was a bit taken aback… he sounded angry… but his words were not harsh just like before… and to think he’s been like that these past few days raised wonders in her more…
“I… I am sorry about last night… my friend was-…”
“Just don’t drink too much if you can’t even take it…”
He cut her off… slamming down his fork which produced quite a loud sound… she jumped on her seat a bit...
“Plus, call whenever you’re about to go somewhere… don’t make the people here worry about your whereabouts… you’re so careless…”
“I’m sorry…”
Her voice trailed off… gripping on her utensils tightly as she bowed her head… she never thought she would cause racket about what she did last night… he saw her reaction… he gritted is teeth… and heaved up a
…“Finish your food now…”
She bit her lower lip and slightly nod… he would slightly glance and watched her finish her food… remembering about his father’s words before he left for home… the old man really missed her… and despite his busy schedule… he and his wife still wanted to see her… doesn’t want to neglect their only daughter in law… she really made his parent’s hearts softened… and that now he too unknowingly is slowly being drawn to his soft side…
--
A deafening silence filled the car… he never spoke after the breakfast… and me too preferred that silence… I watched him at the side of my eyes… he was staring outside with a calm expression plastered on his face…
As much as I want to ignore it… but I can’t help but to wonder why he never spoke harshly to me… these past few days, he never called me by different hurtful names… and for a couple of times now, he preferred staying at the mansion and not go in his lover’s house… are they having another argument…? But hearing his lover yesterday… it’s the exact opposite of my assumption…
--
“Don’t be late… don’t go anywhere else… I don’t want to make my dad wait… he’s busy…”
Before I could respond he already left… I heard Mr. Lee sighing behind me…I turned around and saw him shaking his head… and just then he suddenly smiled at me…
“He was worried about you last night…”
I was a bit startled by what he said… who is he talking about…?
“I know he doesn’t show it that much but I know he was… I think the young master is slowly going back on his old self…”
“But Mr. Lee… I think you’re just misunderstanding him… I don’t think he would..-“
“I know him too well… he’s already like a son to me… I just wish that he’ll continually change for the better because you don’t deserve any cruel treatment from anyone and especially from him…”
I preferred to stay silent… he couldn’t be worried on me… why would he… where in the first place he’s the first person who wanted my pain… but somehow learning it from someone makes me feel uplifted… I just wish Mr. Lee’s words were true enough to justify my renewed strength.
--
The day passed so slow… but maybe it’s because I was anticipating for it to end quick… I really miss my father-in-law… even though it’s only been days that I haven’t see him… just like my dad… he showed me nothing but warm welcome…probably filling up for their son’s coldness towards me…
“You’re spacing out again…”
There goes Youngbae… popping out once again on our found sanctuary… I looked up to him and just smiled… earning just a nod from him… I already ate my lunch… and up until now I haven’t seen ‘them’ anywhere… probably out to somewhere, making up for the days they are not together…
“What’s with the sad face…?”
I never realized the contorted expression my face has been giving off for quite a while now... He sat beside me offering me his sandwich… I almost forgot about his treat last time…
“Youngbae-sshi… I still haven’t paid for your sandwich last time…”
“Yes… you still owe me…”
“Y… yes… well… how much for the sandwich…?”
I saw his brow rose a bit… and a slight smile crept on his thin lips… he suddenly turned to me which made me taken aback a bit… our faces were a bit close from each other and suddenly I felt awkward with that little distance between us… for a moment he looked at me while I couldn’t help but to stay stiffened at my place…
“Let me paint you…”
He suddenly blurted out… with a serious expression on his face... I blinked and tried to register what he just told me.
“Huh…? Wha-.. what are you talking about…?”
And just then he looked away and leaned back on the tree behind us.... I heard him chuckle which made me raise a brow.
“I have a project on this one subject… I’m lazy to find a model and now you came…”
I was a bit disappointed… I thought there’s a deeper meaning behind his reason of me being his model… I rolled my eyes and pouted… I’m sure he saw it for he chuckled once again.
“Are you going to be my model or what…? You still owe me remember…?”
“Pfft… fine fine Youngbae-sshi… when…? Where..?”
“Now… I have my things ready in the art room..”
“Don’t tell me you planned all this…?”
“No…”
He simply said, back to his cold voice as he stood up… offering his hand to pull me up… he really is a weird guy…
We were walking back to the Arts building when I noticed that I left my phone under the tree… I called Youngbae and told him I’ll just follow him at the room… once I got my phone I quickly went after him only to hear a familiar voice of a woman from the side of the building… I was about to ignore it but then I heard another voice this time from a man…
I shouldn’t have minded other people’s business… but my curiosity got over me… I heard the girl struggling… while I could feel the suppression from the man’s voice…
My eyes widen when I saw where the voices came from… I saw Taeyeon being pinned on the wall by some guy… she was struggling while the man is gripping on her hand tight… what is he doing to her…? Where is Jiyong…?
I just found myself marching towards them…Taeyeon saw me and her eyes immediately widen… she pushed the guy in front of her which made the guy turned on me… I could feel that they are both surprised by my sudden appearance… is it just me or does Taeyeon know the guy…?
As soon as I got closer to them, the guy immediately sped off… leaving me and Taeyeon alone… I didn’t bother thinking who the guy is when I saw the clear marks on Taeyeon’s wrists… she slumped down the floor and I quickly went to her…
“Are you okay Taeyeon-sshi…?”
She looked up and I saw fear in her eyes… but her eyes suddenly shifted past me… and what happened next almost broke me …
“Sandara-sshi… please don’t… I love Jiyong… please don’t do this to us…-“
What is she talking about...? I was about to ask her... when suddenly another familiar voice beat me to it...
“What’s happening here…?”
I turned around and saw Jiyong looking at us with a surprised look on his face…
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